Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Puzzle, Run, Coffee.

early-seventies tape recorder...cleaning the closets.
Bye Bye, 2012.  The blender that is my mind has hardly slowed it's relentless grinding, even now that I've been in a somewhat restful state for at least a week. And when does the insanity stop?  I guess, LF, I owe you a summation of sorts, after all, there was the long build-up to Dad's departing, and the saying goodbye, and the grieving, so what now, end of year reflecting? Amidst the sadness of losing somebody who was dear for eighty eight years, there's so much tragedy that assaults our mind every day that our own authentic pain lies somewhere, lost between the personal and the news transmissions that reach us instantaneously and hit us like tremendous waves.  The urgency of technology and communication is profound and deadening to the senses.  In cleaning out some more objectia from parents' house, brother and I stumbled upon our tape recorder that had survived at least twelve years of enjoyment back in the 1970's and '80s.  I can glance across the room, almost any hour of the day today and see some member of my family glued to a silent device: laptop, ipod, smartphone, iphone. We resist only so much, and then, bam! it's in every seam and crevice of our daily life. 
Can we even remember this?  Imagine.
 One of the things that I love about these rare moments of retreat for family is the opportunity to plod about as if time hasn't raced ahead.  A jigsaw puzzle, a cup of coffee, a cloudy day on the coast.  Are there enough days left for all the puzzling I'd like to do?  If only, but a girl can dream.  I get swept into the puzzling of it, talking through my problems in my own head, while methodically assembling the object. 

Oh, indulgences, pastimes, sitting with oneself, pondering it all.
  And as per the cleaning that comes with loss and years' end.  We also took a stab at Dad's shotglass collection, which may have numbered in the area of three hundred?  I sat with Mom and took them all off the shelves, pushed aside the ones that bore no great significance to us, and then replaced the forty or so that she or I thinks worth keeping, at least for now.  Antiques, colleges, travel memorabilia.  Feeling fresh and lively to look at.  Lighter for the new year, but never finished. Never finished saying goodbye and looking through the memories. It's what we have, after all.

Dad's shot-glass collection, pared down to under 40. 

Hawaii, rooster, Oregon Coast

My new heroes. Hello New Year with the Florence 5K!
And then New Year's Day came.  Sunny, clear, cool, brilliantly clean air.  Friends gathered on Bay Street, much as we had two years ago.  This year I managed to recruit two newbies.  Ashby, for sure, the youngest participant.  She attacked the event with vigor and a great big smile.  Peter thoroughly enjoyed his morning on the river front.  And so it goes, the cycle, warm hearts, exercise, energy and hope for a new year! Ashby said to me, upon finishing, "Mom, can I run with you again, maybe tomorrow?" Dad's not here anymore.  Mom's still here, healthy and dosing us with snappy retorts here and there.  We're here, making the very best of what we can.  Puzzle, Run, Coffee. Puzzle, Run, Coffee. Puzzle, Run, Coffee.

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